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ENTRIES WITH AN ASTERISK AFTER THE DATE* CONTAIN PHOTOS.
OCTOBER 2008 |
| October 15 |
up soccer: the rule of threes |
AUGUST 2008 |
| August 27* |
a bouncing baby boy elephant |
| August 26 |
r.i.p. kevin duckworth. you'll always be loved. |
| August 15 |
i'm blind, i'm deaf, i wanna be a ref! |
| August 12 |
who the hell do we root for now? |
JULY 2008 |
| July 10* |
soccer, crotch grabbing, and flying pigs - oh my! |
JUNE 2008 |
| June 28 |
gay marriage and hypocritical mormons |
| June 16 |
john mccain's c*nt |
| June 05* |
soccer! now, with more strangulation! |
| June 01 |
really, really meh |
MAY 2008 |
| no entries: see 4/24 writer's block entry |
APRIL 2007 |
| April 26 |
the forbidden fruit of nasal decongestant |
| April 21 |
the interminably dreary off season is over! |
| April 20 |
depression's mental constipation |
| April 18 |
virginia tech shooting |
| April 14 |
a 1,500+ word entry about a wrong number |
| April 07 |
questioning my sanity in the face of my parents' nuttiness |
| April 04* |
ladies and gentlemen, meet the kidney stones |
DECEMBER 2006 |
| December 30 |
help! i've fallen and i can't get up! |
| December 28 |
the ol' funk coloured glasses |
| December 24* |
happy holidays from simonster |
| December 19 |
holy freaking gonads! it's a christmas miracle! |
| December 17 |
writer's block doesn't leave you feeling homicidal |
| December 14 |
friendly neighborhood mountains gobbling up the tourists |
| December 11* |
mt. hood/view from portland today |
| December 09 |
solitude does ample more good than semantic conjugation |
| December 07* |
i've yet to find an OS X compatible thong |
| December 05* |
Simonster, Simonster, she eats little girls and boys... |
| December 03 |
unc sucks; u.s. women qualify for 2007 world cup |
| December 01 |
the terror of pregnancy depression |
AUGUST 2006 |
| August 29 |
the day evil my mom nearly died |
| August 27 |
oi. pass the valium and vodka |
| August 25 |
kicking off the season with a spectacular... tie?!? |
| August 21 |
book: crimson petal |
| August 18* |
if at first you don't succeed, get a chainsaw wielding lumberjack |
| August 16 |
University of Portland's soccer season starts August 25 |
| August 12 |
if only we could teach those flying pigs to play soccer... |
| August 10* |
who says there's nothing good on tv anymore? |
| August 07* |
kittens should not be used as bobcat snacks |
| August 04* |
2,000 miles in eight days through five states |
| August 03* |
this is the place |
| August 02* |
I went to Westminster College, not Hogwarts School of Witchcraft |
| August 01* |
temples, polygamy, and pizza |
JUNE 2006 |
| June 23 |
the U.S. has won the World Cup. Twice, in fact. |
MAY 2006 |
| May 05 |
anti-depressants may not work for me, but soccer certainly does |
| May 01 |
slowly starting to find my way out |
APRIL 2006 |
| sabbatical: still drowning in semi-nicotine free depression |
MARCH 2006 |
| March 10* |
macbook photo booth silliness |
JANUARY 2006 |
| sabbatical: drowning in nicotine free depression |
DECEMBER 2005 |
| December 26 |
two weeks without a cigarette |
| December 15 |
need to figure out how to get thru this without killing anyone |
| December 12 |
i quit. smoking, that is. |
| December 08 |
my last few days as a smoker are at hand |
| December 06 |
"I love you and I don't want you to die" |
| December 04* |
University of Portland:
NCAA Soccer National Champions! |
| December 02* |
JOY! UP still undefeated, now it's on to the final game |
NOVEMBER 2005 |
| November 18 |
soccer Picasso |
| November 16* |
a large growth named Simone |
| November 14 |
I knew tickets would go fast, but this is just nuts |
| November 12 |
feels symbolic to no longer have to drive my mother's old car |
| November 10 |
it was the gesture, not the car, that meant so much |
| November 08 |
you can't keep UP down. even if you send them to nebraska |
| November 06 |
I have a little red Mini Cooper, if only for a few days |
| November 05 |
our warbling pogostick did a mt vesuvius impersonation |
| November 03 |
happy birthday. thanks for nearly destroying my life. |
OCTOBER 2005 |
| October 31* |
Simonster |
| October 29 |
maybe I'm picky, but I don't want to live in a $1200 shoebox |
| October 27* |
they torture me with their cuteness |
| October 24 |
Godot is waiting to exhale my antidepressant |
| October 21 |
chicks in cleats: the hottest ticket in town |
| October 20* |
jesus wants me to get some booty |
| October 18 |
Depeche Mode got their mopey lusty groove back |
| October 17 |
the new and exciting kind of overwhelming |
| October 16 |
you're a spoiled fan to be upset over all wins and 1 tie |
| October 14 |
Exquisite Pain |
| October 12 |
don't need a police state to deal with bladder control issues |
| October 11* |
oout and aboout in nature's splendor |
| October 10 |
for the love of Pele, do the right thing and sell the team |
| October 09 |
some go to church, but soccer is my spiritual enlightenment |
| October 06 |
assisted suicide: oregon got it right |
| October 03 |
Portland Pilots to the rescue |
| October 01* |
art museum: on the outside, looking in |
SEPTEMBER 2005 |
| September 30 |
time to celebrate, because today hell came to an end |
| September 17 |
happy birthday to you, the love of my life |
| September 16 |
portland timbers - faster than a speeding... slug |
| September 14 |
money, people, jobs, life... we're waiting on it all |
| September 10 |
timbers playoff bound, I impress players by gargling |
| September 08 |
uptight, repressed soccer moms UNunite |
| September 06 |
to top things off, I superglued myself to my car |
| September 05 |
they're spawning another demon child |
| September 04 |
disaster relief, portland style: bong hit, anyone? |
| September 03 |
they need disaster relief, not a song and dance number |
| September 01 |
hurricane katrina: how will bush spin this one? |
AUGUST 2005 |
| August 22 |
five bags of M&Ms and a bucket of lard |
| August 20 |
evil arch rivals and neanderthal man |
| August 16 |
the mutant zebra of self tanning |
| August 14 |
day by numbers |
| August 12 |
spontaneously combusting with joy over a kitten |
| August 10 |
pride cometh before the fall of Canada |
| August 09 |
kicking the itch out of dyshidrotic eczema |
| August 07 |
it's so much fun being childish. keeps me young and petty |
| August 03 |
sweaty, dehydrated, heat stroked defeat |
| August 02 |
Where is Madam Pomfrey when you need her? |
JULY 2005 |
| July 23 |
repentance: twenty Hail Hugos and ten corner kicks |
| July 17 |
truest love, purest joy, and most heartfelt happiness |
| July 16 |
swearing I'm not sick, while Ross chases me with orange juice |
| July 14 |
phlem and sweaty men rock the socks right off my head |
| July 12 |
buwahahaha! revenge is sweet! |
| July 10 |
the century mark |
| July 09 |
i hope this passes quickly, like a phlem filled ship in the night |
| July 07 |
london bombings: our brave new world |
| July 06 |
pedometers don't bounce |
| July 04 |
getting decapitated really would've put a damper on the night |
| July 02 |
strolling down the street with one of the Timbers, trying not
to fall drunkenly on my face |
JUNE 2005 |
| June 30 |
it's not often you see players fight to defend their fans |
| June 27 |
the cuisinart school of hair dressing |
| June 23 |
so what if we suck! |
| June 22 |
a fine kettle of puffer fish I've gotten myself into |
| June 19 |
lightning started crackling across the sky |
| June 18 |
the Timbers lost gracefully and at no point looked like they
were humping each other |
| June 13 |
fire ants marching in my chest |
| June 12 |
smiling, with tears in his eyes |
| June 11* |
something about his thighs. and whip cream |
| June 09 |
bridge city comics - dream to reality |
| June 07 |
vomitressa, goddess of chunk blowing |
| June 06 |
my kingdom for a bong hit |
| June 03 |
first mark in the loss column |
| June 02 |
"You have an adoptive family, isn't that enough?" |
| June 01 |
no more Lucky Charms |
MAY 2005 |
| May 31 |
a phone rings, it doesn't send angry rednecks to your door |
| May 30 |
a streetcar named assisted suicide |
| May 28 |
yellow carded nipples |
| May 26 |
it's time to cross 'drive myself insane' off my to-do list |
| May 25 |
PETFF (People for the Ethical Treatment of Footy Fans) |
| May 23 |
demented menage a trois with two of the Seven Dwarves |
| May 21 |
u r the coolest aunt ever |
| May 19 |
vowing to glue her legs together and lock her in a convent |
| May 17 |
feeling awkward in having become a spectator sport |
| May 13 |
it felt good, like getting in touch with the chutzpah I once had |
| May 12 |
showdown at the neurosis corral |
| May 11 |
lighting the furniture on fire wasn't enough to change his mind
|
| May 09 |
take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice |
| May 08 |
Mother's day #3 sans mom and I'm at peace |
| May 07 |
embarking on his happily ever after |
| May 06 |
the case of the flying tampons |
| May 05 |
lifestyles of the bitchy and virulent |
| May 04 |
momentary funhouse mirror of the psyche |
| May 03 |
arrivederci means see ya later, motherfucker |
| May 02 |
freeze! I've got house keys and I'm not afraid to use them |
| May 01 |
getting your white supremacist panties in a twist |
APRIL 2005 |
| April 30 |
iSwore, iScreamed, iCheered and, ultimately, iWon |
| April 29 |
if only they hadn't whipped out lawn chairs in the 2nd half |
| April 28 |
pharmaceutically delicious |
| April 26 |
making Ross the poster boy for oops, I crapped my pants |
| April 25 |
THUD-Thud-thudthudthud over and over until I want to scream |
| April 24* |
me and zola, early morning sleepiness |
| April 22 |
moving into my new domain |
the rest of the archives, dating back to 1997, are at my old site
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