May 30, 2005 | 11:32pm

Lazy Memorial Day. The sum total of our activites were getting up, going out to lunch, and planning a redesign of Portland's mass transit system. Since we had nothing better to do, we took a ride on the streetcar after lunch. The line to the waterfront opened a few months ago, but we'd yet to try it, so off we went.

Turns out once the riverplace line is done, the last stop will be near the aerial tram up to OHSU (if/when it's built), which prompted my idea of the streetcar aerial tram. Rather than have tram cars that buzz up to OHSU, they should just put hooks on top of the streetcar so that when it reaches the end of the riverplace line, the actual streetcar can double as the aerial tram and buzz up to OHSU via overhead suspension. It would be like a flying streetcar!

Once I suggested that to Ross, the ideas started flying, and the aerial streetcar morphed into the neumatic tube streetcar, in which the streetcar would enter a neumatic tube and be shot up to OHSU via compressed air. That seemed a bit mundane, though, so we decided to leave out the tube and ended up with a turbo streetcar that would launch off a ramp at mach speed and rocket up to OHUS in a way Evil Knievel would be proud off.

We think that's progressive for mass transit and could increase ridership much the same way that our MAX lightrail rollercoaster idea would. Let's face it, while mass transit makes it easier to get around and is good for the environment, it's not exactly the most exciting way to travel. But, if we made MAX more roller coaster like - add some steep drops and some upside down loops, especially over the river - we'd have mass transit that is exciting, not to mention adds to Portland's wacky reputation. We'd be the city where you can take a big ol' bong hit of your medical marijuana before taking the roller coaster to your assisted suicide appointment. :P

So that was our Memorial Day, redesigning Portland's mass transit system into something that proves we don't have lucrative careers in city planning ahead of us. And to further the day's foray into goofiness, we went home, did the horizontal hokie-pokie and fell asleep afterwards, totally forgetting that we'd left the front door wide open, thus becoming the accidental nudists. My apologies to any thieves who wandered in only to be traumatized by the mating habits of absent minded geeks.

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