JULY 10, 2008
 It was CPA night at the game, which perplexed us at first because what does accounting have to do with soccer? But it turned out an accounting firm decided to promote their services at the game by giving out 5000 little foam pigs that had numbers on them and the fan who got the pig with the winning number won a savings bond.
Fun idea, right? The little pigs they gave out at half-time were cute and squishy and we had fun playing with them waiting for the game to restart and it still hadn't dawned on anyone that this promo could go terribly wrong.
But it was cheap beer night, hotter than hell, and the Timbers weren't playing well, which meant that by the second half fans were drunk and angry. So there we were, singing and trying to rankle Puerto Rico's goalie, who was playing the north end, in front of the Timbers Army. And we love giving goalies hell when they're in the north end because, well, we're soccer fans and that's our job.
But tonight, we were dealing with a goalie who couldn't be flustered. If anything, he fed off our heckling and even decided to goad us back. I can't remember what song we were doing, but we somehow inspired the goalie to turn around and very obviously grab his balls at us. And I don't mean his soccer balls.
And that's when the first pig took flight. It arced over the field from the west side of the stadium and landed with a bounce at the goalie's feet. And then another pig flew. And then another. And before you knew it, fans were throwing pigs like there was no tomorrow and hundreds of the little pink pigs were flying through the air and bouncing all over the field.
The ball kids looked scared and were diving for cover, what with an angry throng of soccer fans hurling pigs in their direction. Meanwhile, field security was running around waving their arms at the crowd trying to get them to stop, but security only succeeded in being moving targets. And Puerto Rico's goalie, the guy who started it all, just stood there watching pigs rain down around him, looking like he didn't know whether to be pissed or laugh his ass off.
So once the great pig debacle finally subsided, all the pigs were cleared off the field and the game resumed, but throughout the rest of the match pigs would randomly fly out of the crowd and onto the pitch, making goal tending a new challenge for Puerto Rico's keeper. In fact, it may have been the only time in soccer history that a goalie's had to contend with flying pigs during a game.
Puerto Rico still won, but you have to give them credit for that. To win on the road in front of a tough crowd while being pelted with pigs? That takes some doing. And PR's goalie, who we first thought was twit for grabbing his junk, also turned out to be an ok guy. Because, it turns out, his crotch grabbing antics were in response to some fans who were razzing him during the game by making the wank wank wank jesture at him, so he just responded in kind.
True, he could've been more mature about it and not responded at all but, seeing as Timbers fans were the ones who stopped the game by throwing hundreds of pigs on the field, we're not in any position to be giving lectures on maturity. And after the game, when PR's goalie was asked about the pig toss by the media, he was a good sport about it and even commended Timbers fans for their passion.
Of course, there was worry over how Timbers management would respond to the fans totally losing their marbles and throwing pigs on the field. After all, we're not supposed to pull crap like that and we know it so there was concern management would come down hard and revoke the privileges we'd worked to earn back after the flare debacle. But, to our surprise, management took responsibility for the whole thing saying they should have known better than to give drunken soccer fans anything that could be used as projectiles.
So it was an absolutely nutty match and, normally, we'd leave the stadium totally bummed after a loss, but the pig throwing jamboree was so damn funny that most everyone left the game with grins on their faces, Ross and I included.
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