October 23, 2006
Went to see my doctor today and we had a long talk about everything that's going on in my life and how best to help me with it. There is the pregnancy loss to contend with, along with all the negative family issues that being pregnant dug up, and the pregnancy hormones also caused my depression to morph totally out of control and I need to get a handle on that. And all of this is going on as we head into November, which is when I experience the awful post traumatic stress syndrome that nearly takes me apart at the seams.
Yes indeed, my doctor and I agreed that now would be a good time to get me some help, my own personal psychological cheerleaders so to speak, so that I don't end up spontaneously combusting from stress and depression. And I had thought that my doctor would just refer me to a good therapist to deal with all the issues, but the lunacy contingency plan that my doctor devised involves me seeing multiple psychological experts. For the most part, I am thrilled that I'll be getting multifaceted help, but I'm also chagrined over the fact that I've apparently reached the major league of craziness where dealing with my nuttiness has to be a team sport. But then maybe psychiatrists are like Lays potato chips - you can't eat just one.
So, in the near future, I'll start the weekly ritual of talk therapy, which I'm not all that excited about. When you're an incredibly shy person, having to spew forth the most personal and painful details of your life to a total stranger is a fate nearly as bad as public tap dancing in the nude. But, along with coughing up emotional hairballs, I will also be seeing some experts who deal solely with brain chemistry/chemical imbalance, in hopes that they can figure out and effectively treat the biological component to my depression. So far, no one has been able figure out what's wrong in the brain chemistry department, but I'm hoping I'll finally be able to get some real help with that.
So, I now have a game plan to try and help me through this difficult time and the depression in general and just talking to my doctor and coming up with a plan on how to deal with these things has already helped a great deal. I've been feeling really depressed and very lost and lonely but getting some help with that today and knowing that more help is one the way has given me some hope and something to look forward to, which is enough to give me the energy and faith to keep trudging through this very dark time.
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