June 02, 2005   Saw a news story on a couple who had to give back a baby they adopted because the teenage birth father went to court to get the baby back, demonstrating yet another flaw with adoption. Like this situation, the law says a birth father can claim his child, but adoption agencies aren't required to tell fathers that their child is being given up for adoption.

It's frustrating that the adoption system has so many flaws and that laws regarding it are messed up. Call me crazy, but I think the most important thing when it comes to adoption should be what's best for the child, but often the child is what matters least. Or that's my view, as an adoptee.

I know there is no way to make the system perfect, but there are many ways to improve it, but little is ever done in that regard because adoption is a touchy, taboo subject. And what really gets me is that when this subject is taken on, it's the rights of birth parents or adoptive parents that are the focus, not the welfare of the adoptee, which is ironic considering that adoption is supposedly about helping kids.

Oy, such a difficult issue for me. On the one hand, adoption is something that helps many people and often is a good experience, but then there are many flaws in the system and few rights for adoptees. Obviously adoption isn't something that should be stopped but, with the massive, life long impact it has on people, the laws regarding it need to be improved.

Maybe then couples won't adopt a child only to have it taken away or, as in my case, children wouldn't be given to abusive families. Unfortunately, there are 2 bubbles that protect the issue of adoption from scrutiny - the notion that adoption is a moral, noble venture thus no one wants to criticize it, and the secrecy of adoption, where all records are sealed and can't be opened without court order, which is rarely granted.

Suffice to say it's hard to change a system where the records are secret and the subject is both so venerated and taboo that no one wants to touch it. Adoptees have spoken out on this, but to little effect, which makes you wonder what it would take to get the government to listen if they aren't even willing to listen to the people who are the heart and soul of the issue.

What's the solution? I don't know. All I do know is that I'm sick of being treated like I don't have a valid opinion on adoption, despite the fact that I'm an adoptee, and I'm infuriated by the problems with the system, especially the problem where the government locks up my personal info and tells me I don't have a right to know my own history. "You have an adoptive family, isn't that enough?" people ask, and the answer is hell no.

Having an adoptive family does not enable me to fill out family medical history forms at the doctor or tell me if cancer, diabetes, mental illness, etc, runs in my family, or if I should be tested for these things. Having an adoptive family does not enable me to know my my ethnic origins, where I came from, who I look like, or why I act the way I do. Having an adoptive family does not change the fact that, somewhere out there, there is a woman who gave birth to me and I have no idea who she is, why she gave me up, or if I have siblings. And, most of all, having an adoptive is not synonymous to having a good family, as I have learned the hard way.

So for the people and politicians who think the system is fine and that it's enough just to give kids people to call mom and dad, think again. There's a lot more to it than that, it's far more complicated. Ignoring the flaws in the adoption system and denying adoptees their rights not only isn't good enough, it can destroy lives, and it should be criminal.

But, then again, what do I know, I'm only an adoptee.

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