June 06, 2005  In a mood, out of sorts, once again repeating the mantra this, too, shall pass. Depression isn't permanent, especially when it's drug induced.

A pain began in my back yesterday. I say began because I don't know what caused it. One moment I was fine, next I wasn't. I'm worried it may be the start of a kidney stone, because they usually start in my back and come on suddenly. That and there's blood in my urine. Never a good sign.

I couldn't sleep because of my back, so I finally broke down and took some pain meds. I started with the more potent toradol, because it doesn't make me ill, but when it wasn't enough, I took vicodin as well, praying it wouldn't make me sick. As usual, the prayers fell on deaf ears.

Getting sick is never pleasant, but the way vicodin makes me sick is the worst. I start feeling weak and lightheaded, break out in a cold sweat, turn white as a sheet, then nausea hits with a vengeance. If I lay down when the symptoms start, I can sometimes avoid the gut wrenching vomiting and, thankfully, that was the case last night. Just barely, though.

So, I still have the back pain, and have a vicodin hangover to boot. I don't know why but, along with making me sick, vicodin also leaves me very depressed and out of sorts. Vicodin haze is what I call it, a strange fog that makes me feel sick, sluggish and so very low.

But thank god the supreme court just struck another blow against medical marijuana, because we certainly wouldn't want to approve an effective pain med that doesn't make people violently ill. Ahem.

Aye. My kingdom for a bong hit.

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