July 02, 2005

Aye! You know the ref is bad when the fans start chanting "Helen Keller!"

I'd describe the foul in question, the one that got Timbers midfielder Tom Poltl ejected, except there was no foul. No one had the ball, Tom and a Vancouver player were both racing for it, Tom slid for and came away with the ball. That's it. But the ref saw it as a foul and whipped out a red card. Players, coaches, fans, we all protested, but the ref wouldn't listen, so Tom was ejected, along with one of the coaches. Impressively, the Timbers still managed a tie, despite being a man down the rest of the game.

After the game, we did the post game thang for the first time. The Timbers Army go to a pub after games to drink and frolic, and the Timbers players often go as well, but being shy and socially retarded, Ross had never been able to talk me into going. It's not that I didn't want to, just that I'm, well, shy and socially inept, thus the thought of cavorting with tons of fans and the Timbers was enough to make me say no every time. But tonight, for some reason, I was up for it, so cavort we did!

I felt shy and tense at first, but everyone was so friendly and boisterous, not to mention drunk, that even a tard like me was able to enjoy it. And, after a few glasses of wine, I was downright giddy, chatting with strangers, ogling the Timbers, and thoroughly enjoying myself. Except for the fact that, despite vast amounts of alcohol, I still didn't have the nerve to talk to any of the players. Josh, Shawn, Scot and others were there, and while they were friendly and chatting with fans like old friends, I just couldn't get the nerve up to approach them. Maybe next time, I told myself.

When I was well past drunk, Ross decided it was time to take me home and, as he navigated me through the pub, we ran into Shawn Saunders. Shawn patted Ross on the back (or whatever you call that thing guys do) and smiled at me as we squeezed past each other in the aisle. Only problem was, Shawn was out of context, I'm used to seeing him on the field, and between that and being drunk, I didn't realize who he was until after I passed him, at which point I half yelled, "hey, that's Shawn Saunders!" You know, just in case Shawn had forgotten who he was.

After we left the pub, we were halfway down the block when Ross grinned and said, "I'm surprised you didn't want to talk to Josh and Scot..." which got a "huh?!" out of me. "Josh and Scot, you just walked right past them," Ross said, and I thought he was joking, but sure enough, they were just a few feet behind us. Just then, Tom Poltl walked out of the pub and Josh or Scot (can't remember which) greeted him with, "hey, lotion boy!" Ross and I just looked at each other. Lotion boy? Do we even want to know?

Tom walked down the block towards us, so Ross gave the traditional "good game" greeting and too drunk to remember that I'm shy, I added, "good game. baaad ref," and Tom chuckled. Ross and Tom chatted about the ref, while I reveled in the fact that we were strolling down the street with one of the Timbers and tried not to fall drunkenly on my face and make a fool out of myself. Thankfully, I managed to stay upright.

We said goodbye to Tom further down the street, then walked to our car, with me rambling about what a great time I had and that we really should have done the post game thing sooner. Ross just looked at me. Ok, I'm to blame for that, but I told him I was more than willing to make up for it by going to every post game event for the rest of the season. To socialize with fans, of course, certainly not for the soccer players. With nice thighs...

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