June 13, 2005  I fear I've fallen into an endless state of surliness. There seems to be no end to the ugly mood that's hit me. I feel angry at everything, like there's fire ants marching in my chest. All I want to do is scream.

Partly it's the noise. The neighbors (drumming, violin playing, etc) and their screaming demon child. Solitude has become extinct and the total lack of it is driving me insane.

I don't know why I'm like this, why noise can drive me nuts and make me so angry, but regardless of knowing why, it's the unfortunate way that I am, and I may end up in a padded cell soon.

Then there's the vicodin and benadryl. I have so much sedative in me that it's no wonder I'm depressed. But it's either drugs or pain, although I'm no longer sure which is worse. But noise paired with trying to function while on rhino tranquilizers has me down and out of sorts to an extreme.

I don't know what to do with myself when I get like this. I keep telling myself it will get better, and we'll eventually move, but what to do in the meantime? Sleep? Read? TV? Not with Satan & Co living upstairs.

I need a vacation. Or a labotamy. Either one I'd be fine with, just as long as I get it soon.

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