MARCH 02, 2007
I've been trying to think of an upbeat way to write this entry because I'm tired of my journal being a tour de force of medical ailments, not to mention all the whining wears me out and makes me want to smack myself, but I've yet to figure out a a mirthful way to say I now have a kidney stone.
Yep, a kidney stone. Now the big question is how long will it take for this evil bastard to tear its way out of my system and I'm afraid it might take awhile. Some of my stones are the fast and furious type, which cause the most excruciating pain but always pass within a few days, which is why I prefer that type. The other type of stone I get is the slow as slugs variety, and that's the kind I have now. Slug stones are, well, sluggish. They cause moderate to severe pain, which you'd think would be preferable to the excruciating pain caused by fast stones, but there's a catch. Slug stones take a long time to pass, which means you end up spending an interminable amount of time in a lot of pain. Like the slug stone I had that took seven weeks to pass. It was a monster and the perfect example of why I prefer fast stones. A few days of horrific pain is better than weeks of severe pain.
The stone I have now has been bothering me off and on for a few weeks, but only started to really dig its teeth in over the last couple days. The good news is that I've been able to keep the pain under control with vicodin and toradol (as opposed to needing morphine shots at the hospital), but the bad news is that the pain is currently up in my back, which means the stone has a long way to go and it doesn't seem to be in any hurry. Bad, bad evil kidney stone!
Although there is one other very important question in regards to this stone and that is, what will the stone be named? I don't name all my kidney stones, only the very painful and/or large ones, but so far I have stones named Hitler, Stalin, Mom, and Lord Voldermort. I haven't settled on a name for this one yet, but I've been thinking about Mr. Wanky, which is what I've been calling the Timbers' new head coach, the one whose totally destroying the team (but that's fodder for another entry). I'm always open to suggestions, though, so if anyone has any great ideas for kidney stone names, just let me know.
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