compulsion


image: flower


J U L Y   0 2 ,   2 0 0 9

Yes, there's a good reason why I haven't posted in nearly four months...

That's right, we are pregnant! Fifteen weeks pregnant to be exact. And I would have posted about this sooner except that I was sooo sick and exhausted during the first trimester that I could barely get out of bed, much less find the energy to write an entry. That, and the first trimester was so rough in terms of knowing whether this pregnancy would survive that we opted to wait until we reached the 2nd trimester (when risk of miscarriage decreases) before going public. But we're in the second trimester now and the baby is doing fine so we're finally sharing the news.

Of course, the fact that we're still pregnant after all the problems we went through early on is enough to make my head spin. Because when I was 7 weeks pregnant, I started bleeding a great deal and then passed a large mass of bloody tissue, which we thought for sure meant that I had miscarried. But then when a week passed and my pregnancy symptoms hadn't subsided and, in fact, had gotten worse, we feared that the miscarriage had been incomplete or that I'd developed an infection so we went to see my OB/GYN and that's when we got the surprise of our lives.

My doctor did an ultrasound to see what was going on and shocked the hell out of Ross and I when she announced that I was still pregnant and that the baby was alive and well. And as first my mind wouldn't accept that because of the large mass of bloody tissue I'd passed. I mean, what else could that have been other than a misscarriage? But as it turned out, I had passed a large blood clot and it somehow made it out without harming the pregnancy.

It wasn't all good news at that appointment, though, because the ultrasound showed that there was another large blood clot near the pregnancy and my doctor said that one of three things would happen: 1. my body could absorb the blood clot and it would go away without causing problems, 2. the blood clot could sit there for the entire pregnancy and not cause any problems, or 3. the blood clot would pass and possibly cause a misscarriage. And all we could do about it was wait and see.

So we were thrilled to find out that we were still pregnant but terrified of that second blood clot and what it might do and the waiting game that followed was stressful, to say the least. But two weeks later we went in for another ultrasound and it turned out the best possible thing had happened - the blood clot was gone. My body had absorbed it and I was bloodclot free, which obviously was the news we were hoping for. But as soon as we found out that the threat of the blood clot was gone, we got some other troubling news.

As it turned out, the routine blood tests they do during pregnancy showed that my blood sugar was really high and, after a few subsequent tests, I was was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Then again, that wasn't a total surprise. Given that I have PCOS and was diagnosed as insulin resitant years ago, we knew it was likely that I'd develope gestational diabetes, but we were not expecting it to strike so soon. Gestational diabetes, when it occurs, usually pops up in the 2nd or 3rd trimester, so it was tough to find out it had struck so early on.

So, in light of having gestational diabetes, I now have to test my blood sugar four times a day, take an oral diabetes medication, and give myself an insulin injection every night. Yep, that's right, I have to give myself a shot every night and, as someone who used to pass out at the mere mention of needles, that's been quite an adjustment for me. But I'm proud to say that I've done well with the injections and I'm now a pro at giving shots. Hell, I've gotten so good that I can't even feel the shots, so if you ever need an injection, you know who to call.

But the best news is that my body has responded well to treatment and my blood sugar levels are now normal, which is great for the baby. And the ironic and really funny thing about this is that the super strict diabetes diet plan they wanted me to follow more often than not caused my blood sugar level to be too high, whereas eating pizza or having a bacon cheeseburger results in normal blood sugar levels. So screw the broccoli and bring on the cheeseburgers! Because, you know, I have to eat right for the baby! :P

So, despite a miscarrage scare, blood clot problems, gestational diabetes, and my being older than Methuselah, this pregnancy is progressing just fine, which is pretty damn amazing. And if things continue to go well - keep your fingers crossed for us - it will be a very special holiday season for us this year because my due date is December 26th. Happy holidays, eh?

listening: coldplay . reading: your pregnancy week by week

walk: 0 minutes . pregnancy weight gain: 2.5 pounds 


M A R C H   1 0 ,   2 0 0 9

You know, being an adult is really overrated. Sure, you get to drink and vote (preferably not at the same time, although that may explain George W. Bush), but you also have to clean your own room, do your own laundry and pay your own bills. That, and there's no afternoon nap time! Really not a good trade off, if you ask me.

listening: fc kahuna . reading: everything is illuminated

walk: 40 minutes . weight lost: 9.5 pounds 


M A R C H   0 8 ,   2 0 0 9

Comcast called us and wanted to know if we planned to pay our bill. Ross was the one who answered the call and Comcast's question made him think we were late on our payment, which Ross found odd since I'm obsessive about paying bills on time.

"Are we past due on our bill?" Ross asked, fearing our cable service was about to be discontinued and that the loss of the soccer channel would cause me to go postal.

"No, you're not late paying your bill," Comcast said. "In fact, you have two weeks left to pay it. We were just wondering if you plan on paying it."

And upon telling Comcast that we do, in fact, plan on paying our bill, just like we always do, Comcast said that was great, they'd make a note of it, and ended the call by cheerily telling Ross to have a nice day.

So, this was a new one. I know companies call in regards to past due accounts, but calling about payments that aren't even due yet? Geez! What's next? Turning people into collection agencies for future late payments?

Suffice to say that call left us perplexed, but we didn't worry about it since all things regarding Comcast either leave us confused or wanting to beat our heads against the wall. Or both. Tormenting customers is Comcast's claim to fame, after all.

But I told Ross that if Comcast calls again, he should say we're withholding payment due to the image quality problem we've had since getting Fox Soccer Channel:

Roxy, about ten seconds before she got so excited about the game that she fell off the entertainment center.

listening: new order . reading: everything is illuminated

walk: 30 minutes . weight lost: 9.5 pounds 


F E B R U A R Y   0 5 ,   2 0 0 9

Yes, it's redesign time again.

I don't know why, but I have this quirk where I'll be just fine with the design of my front page for awhile, sometimes even quite awhile, but then one day, totally out of the blue and for no apparent reason, I'll look at the page and think, 'good god, this looks like a pile of shit! Why did I ever think this looked decent?"

And then the look of the page drives me nuts from that moment on, to the point that I hate seeing it and have trouble writing until I change it. Well, not that I've been prolific at writing lately, what with the writers block, but you know what I mean.

So it's redesign time being that I reached the 'I hate this look and I want it to die' stage awhile ago and need a change. As for the new look, I threw it together without much planning. In fact, the only aim I had was wanting a more spacious layout and to have the appearance not be remotely dark or winterlike. Or, in other words, I wanted something to help me combat the winter blues.

Yes, that's right, I wanted something bright and spring-like, but my inner goth has trouble admitting to that. You know how it is, I don't want to get kicked out of the Bauhaus fan club or anything.

This new design, however, is still a work in progress so the look and content will continue to evolve. That, and I threw the code together on the fly and have yet to go back and check it or clean it up, so I'm worried about it displaying properly. But in these dark, gloomy days of winter, I'm feeling a little too meh to care much about proper code and the perfectionism shtick, so this will have to do for now.

listening: smashing pumpkins . reading: --

walk: 20 minutes . weight lost: 8 pounds 


F E B R U A R Y   0 1 ,   2 0 0 9

I'm not a fan of American football but, I have to admit, I've kind of come to like the Super Bowl, and not just for all the gorging on junk food.

No, I like the Super Bowl precisely because I'm not into football, which means that when the Super Bowl is on, I get to enjoy a big game but not care how it turns out.

Instead, I get to enjoy all the competition and fanfare without the depression that comes from having a team I love lose and, after spending eight months of the year with my emotional well-being tied up in my favorite soccer teams, watching a game whose outcome won't affect my mood or will to live is a nice change of pace.

Yep, the Super Bowl is like the sports version of a one night stand — a ripping good time with no strings attached.

listening: the killers . reading: --

walk: 0 minutes . weight lost: 8 pounds 







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    Timbers
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    fightin' 106th